“in 'the great city of boston'.
tyler doesn't have faith in artie.
tyler is pissed at the rock and roll hall of fame.
went to niagara falls. canada side is better. go to war and steal their side.
customs agent was nazi. searched car, found sex outfits. (gladiator & cowboy)
tyler calls america a 'shit place'.
made it to albaney, did nothing.
had 'lots of fun' in tylers parents condo in new hampshire.
ben & jerry's factory in vermont. (old man spilled ice cream on tyler / had stroke)
tyler fell in love with kaylee, a waitress. left her his e-mail address. (smooth tyler, smooth)”
“clap clap clap your hands for faith, clap your hands for god.
shout with the joy of christ, give your head a nod.
clap clap clap your hands for faith, clap your hands for god.
don't don't give into sin, stand firm like a rod.”
“got to mill-walk-key.
saw jackass 2.
mill-walk-key art musuem. (tyler is an art snob)
joan of arc chapel.
saw crazy bag lady / crazy old white man.
some story about the best part of the trip, narrated by artie. (but joel didn't listen to it)
tyler "loves carls to death".”
Hey Peeps, it's Tyler. Fucking... awww... last night was crazy. We
just fucking drank like a... what drinks a lot? I don't know. I
don't know. We got wasted. And I honestly have only had like five
hangovers in my entire life. And I've drank more than what we drank
last night, easily, and not had a hangover. But, I think just because
I haven't shit in a while. I've been eating really terribly. I
haven't had any water in days. I just am dying right now. Artie's...
fucking... fucking just packed up the whole car and started driving
and I'm just sitting in the passenger seat back reclined. Fucking
about to puke. Oh, I feel terrible. Yeah, he had to be task master.
He fucking task mastered the whole thing. Threw in my coke. Fucking
task master, dude.
But it was cool, last night was cool, there were lots of people. We
went to this bar, and it was kind of like a... it was... how did we
even find it? How did we choose to go there? I don't remember
anything that happened really, pretty much. And supposedly the whole
time Artie kept asking me the name of our taxi driver, and I kept
yelling at him, telling him I didn't remember. And then he asked me
this morning, and I'm like, "oh, it's Anwar." He's like, "you knew
it?! You kept telling me you didn't know it!"
Fucking Anwar, if you're out there, you're dope, and we hope you make
it to San Diego, because we know you want to go there. Fucking
multimedia graduate, from college. Woo woo! Fucking Anwar, the taxi
driver, in Minneapolis, dopest guy ever. But then whoever our second
taxi driver on the way home was, fucking Shitfuck McGee. Worst guy
ever. Fuck that guy.
Fucking... That's alright, he didn't get much tip, dude. He got like
a two, three dollar tip. The other guy got an eight dollar tip.
Alright, well, crazy night, fun times. And I wish I had left a
message last night, because honestly I don't remember anything. I
have a video of Artie dancing at the club on my phone. We don't
remember taking that. We don't remember anything. I don't remember
anything. I kind of remember the taxi ride home a little bit. After
that I don't remember anything, I fucking am out of it.
[Artie in the background: remember when we tried to go to the other
club, with a fifteen dollar cover?]
Oh yeah, we tried to go to this other club, after the one club, and it
was a fifteen dollar cover, dude. Fifteen dollars for fucking cover.
And this one was a four dollar cover. Minneapolis is cover city,
dude, I'm not into it. But it was fun. The clubs reminded us a lot
of Huntington. It was pretty much like a LA-Huntington, kind of
place. It was a little bit of a slow down, Midwest--I don't even know
what part of the country we're in right now, great plains, great
lakes--vibe. But it was very... LA-ish, it was cool.
Unfortunately there weren't many single girls there, it was a lot of
couples, and shit. It was packed to the brim, but all the single
girls weren't... yeah... As Artie said, and like I said, "Had a
reason to be single." And I think you can figure out the reason.
Alright, see you guys, we'll catch up with you soon. We're on our way
to Milwaukee, beer capital of the world. Bye.”
“North/South Dakota
--------------------
We are trying not to leave long messages now. Not much has happened in the last two days since we have been mainly driving. We had a lot of driving lately from state to state.
We went to Mount Rushmore yesterday and it was pretty dope. It was exactly what we expected. A deer jumped out in front of our car when were driving. Good thing I was paying attention because we had to slam on the brakes to avoid hitting the deer. We said if we hit a bison in Yellowstone we'd just keep driving with blood all over the car and not stop.
Artie got us our first ticket in North Dakota. We thought our first ticket would be for speeding since we have been going over 90 MPH on roads that are about 70 MPH. Artie ran through a stop sign behind a McDonald's on our way to dinner. It was completely dark and neither of us saw it when we were driving. The cop wasn't a complete dick and tried to joke with us a bit. Artie paid the fine and we were on our way again.
We have been doing a bunch of Prince stuff in Minneapolis. We wanted to go to the club the movie was based on but there was a Suicide Girls show going on that we didn't want to pay for. We can just go to Mike's Myspace page and see them all for free.
We are going out in Minneapolis tomorrow and hopefully they will be having a Prince party. So hopefully you will get some drunk posts on here when we start calling in our updates.
Artie .....
We went to a crazy Walmart in South Dakota and I think you had to be a freak to work there. Everyone in the store was a complete freak. First there was a black man who thought he was the king of Zibabwe with a huge hat with castles and everything on it. He wore this along with his Walmart vest. He looked like he had just stepped off the chariot and threw on a Walmart vest. Then there was a woman that looked like the broken neck giraffe in Santa Barbara. Her head was 90 degrees from her neck. Then we saw midget man who was sitting on benches everywhere we went in the store. We'd turn a corner and the guy would be sitting there. He was fast!”
“Kansas
-------------
Kansas City sucks. The capital is all boarded up on the windows with wood and so forth. We walked around for 30 minutes and saw nobody on the streets. We only saw a handful of cars and the stores all closed at 5:30PM. We saw some cheerleaders in an alley who we waved too and were super surprised like they have never seen a guy before. So we got out of there quickly.
Some creepy old man approached us at the gas station and said: "Don't you just love the weather! I've got spring fever in the fall." He was just really weird and Artie was in the car so he heard nothing of this. I just wanted to get out of there really quickly because I didn't want to talk to him. I hopped in the car and we drove away because I didn't want to talk to him.
Then we saw a Hardee's and thought that it would be similar to Carl's since they are usually the same thing. We go inside and nothing is the same. So I decide to go to the bathroom here and some guy in a UPS uniform comes in after me. Out of eight urinals, he takes the one next to me. He is tall and totally checking out my junk so I just ran out and said we need to get out of here Artie.
Kansas City is totally the hood. I feel safer walking through Harlem at 3AM with a girl than here. We had some crazy guy honking at us with total road rage. The Topeka Taco Bell was mountain man reenactment people.
Omaha was pretty fun.
We got a little hate message on our Utah post since we were being anti-Mormon. We have nothing wrong with Mormons and make fun of all religions equally.
Trinity Heights was a Catholic place where you could buy benches, trees and statues that say: "In Loving Memory of..." It was super creepy because there was a 30 foot Jesus and Virgin Mary made out of steel. There was a section called "A Circle of Life" which had a tomb for the unborn child which was for aborted children. There have been a bunch of billboards with crazy passages from the Bible on them.
“On the road to Denver
--------------------------------
If Artie and I go missing in the next 24 hours, blame the US government. We are driving through the middle of nowhere in Wyoming. There are all these black armored trucks driving everywhere and US government vehicles all over the place. We hope it is an alien invasion that is going to take place. So blame it on the US government or aliens if we go missing.”
“On the road to Denver
--------------------------------
We are on the road to Denver and we end up going back through Wyoming a bit. We just left Salt Lake City which was very creepy.
We went to the genealogy museum to trace back our ancestry and found out we both have Mexican ancestors, so we are really brothers. It is an awesome day because it is over 45 degrees for the first time in a few days.
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